Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
