I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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