so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think my moral compass just broke
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