it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
