remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
