I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
