so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
