Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
