Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he shaved USA in his pubs
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
