Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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