peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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