Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm at about main and main street
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
