2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
