don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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