Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
