and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Found the puke drawer
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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