Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
