Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
