South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
