fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
no you cant smoke seaweed
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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