im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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