i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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