I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm both gender and math confused
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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