Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
