whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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