i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
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I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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