Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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