I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
