i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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