Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize