I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
