he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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