Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
