I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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