Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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