Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Randomize
