If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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