after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
