whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
