People in love make me want to vomit
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
