Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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