HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
