Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
