You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
