8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
