oh god the rape fog is back!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
