broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i think i just lost a toe
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
