i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
