Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
the raccoons are back...
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