The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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