Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
