She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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