Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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