Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
