I wish I could punch you in the face.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
