But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
