WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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