he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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