i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
