she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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