My friends, they love my intelligence
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
