Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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