mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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