yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
