Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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