dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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