I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
