My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
