I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
