So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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