No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize