...so i touched it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
