Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
